My Immortal Parody
by xXsexgod32694Xx
Summary: I was bored and decided to do a parody of the most awful fanfiction I have ever seen.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way jk its totallly in that way love u babe) raven , bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2 and dont be mad raven!1111 MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name because my parents could see the future) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid bloody tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee but i totally know i dont look like amy lee because shes actually attractive (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie and i would love to have incestious sex with him . I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white with yellow spots all over them from smoking . I have pale white skin that sparkles at all times. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England...or was it scottland? where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth poser (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there and i also shop at hollister but dont tell anyone. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots . I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation (to attempt to cover up the sparkling) , black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about because i tend to blind people with my sparkles more than usual when the sun is out and i once caught hagreds hut on fire because of the sun reflecting off of my body (i dink i spelled hagred righht) . A lot of preps stared at me because i wasnt in my uniform and they were probably concerned because i was walking around shaking my sexi gothic head and muttering and occasionally shouting at myself. I put up my middle finger at them because i needed to make them think im even crazier.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! and no not the draco malfoy as in harry potter's rival. this draco malfoy looked like the lead singer of that band i keep banging on about throughout the story. this draco is from america and it;s only coincidence that his name is the same as harry potter's rival (does that make sence?/)

"What's up Draco?" I asked sexily.

"Nothing. hey! did you ever get that dildo removed from your vag? i heard it was permently stuck in there" he said shyly and sexily.

But then, I heard my non existent friends call me and I pretended i had to go away so i wouldn't have to answer draco's question.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2. A/N I forgot to mention in Chapter 1 that I didn't write this story. I just messed with what some crazy girl wrote in 2006. Not my story and I don't own Harry Potter and thankfully the chick who wrote this doesn't either.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 (my lesbian lover) 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! i know this story sucks but there's no reason to be mean *cuts rists*

The next day I woke up in my bedroom because im so special that dumblydore gave me my own room to protect others from my stupidity. It was snowing and raining again because it's nearing the apocolypse. I opened the door of my coffin and i started to get up but the door slammed back down and broke my nose and after I managed to get out of my coffin i drank some blood from a water bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin again because for some reason I ended up back in my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas because im such a skank. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun like redneck girls do because i have to look like a skank at all times.

My friend i mean gf, Willow (AN: Raven baby dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me which was creepy cuz her eyes weren't open and it looked like she was possesed . She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks oh wait that was a fantasy i had. she really has kinda short black hair that hangs down in her face and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini skirt which showed off her delicious rolls, fishnets and pointy high-heeled fuck me boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation (for the sparkles) and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said in a possesive angry way before slapping me in the face when a dreamy fangirl look came over my face.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing and ignoring the slap to my face which left a hand print.

"Do you like Draco?" she demanded as we went out of the Slytherin i mean hufflepuff (I only wish I was in Slytherin but the sorting hat said I wasn't cunning enough to be in slytherin. the hat also said my IQ was 200 points to low for Ravenclaw and the preppy Gryffindors bribed it to not put me in their house so Hufflepuff took me because Helga Hufflepuff once said she'd take any students that didn't have a place in the other houses which i bet she regrets now. probably rolling in her grave right now because of her mistake) common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted so i wouldnt upset raven cuz i luuuv her

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed not believing me. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. raven gave me a look of disgust and stalked off

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade which i didnt undertsand at first but then i was informed that they would have their memory erased later" he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed so loud that dust and spiders fell from the ceiling and everyone stared at me in alarm. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked because he was trying to be nice and because he needed someone to go with him because he had bought two tickets and tried to invite Hermione Granger but since his name reminded her of Lucius Malfoy's son she said no and draco really wanted to get laid tonight so he asked the first girl he came across.

I gasped and took a hit off of my inhaler.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik posers ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN (*kiss*)! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte thank god.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high fuck me draco heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky because i chopped off all my hair just for this purpose. I felt a little depressed then because i missed my long hair terribly and regreted my decision, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book called nightlight or twilight..yes thats what it was called while I waited for it to stop bleeding even though i should have went to the hospital wing and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and some of the nail polish mixed with the blood from my arm so my nails were black with scarlet spots and i put on TONS of black eyeliner and knew that i would have an eye infection later. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway and it would be dark so i didn't have to worry about my sparkles killing anyone. I drank some human blood and gagged and threw up all over the floor and had to clean it up. finally I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car that he wasn't supposed to have and he kept checking the windows to make sure no one was looking out them because he really didn't want to be fined or worse. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too which i neglected to mention), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl gay boiz wer it ok! ).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed and sexily voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz and bounced off the side of it and fell down on our asses (the license plate said 666 but i'm as blind as a bat and didn't notice that it actually read XXX ) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly and sexily to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and pills and meth. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car like bunny rabbits with rabies. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down and waved our hands around in the air and started shaking our ass as we listened to Good Charlotte. Security finally kicked us out when we started doing the hokey pokey. But we snuck back in somehow.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. He might not get laid tonight if this bitch was hung up on that Joel guy.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on but was wrong about the reason Draco looked sad.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco weirdly and he put his arm around me all protective. No one was going to stop him from getting laid tonight. It had been 2 years since he last had sex.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer because neither of us can handle a bottle of Jack and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them but they said no and sprinted away as fast as they could and I don't mean running...I mean sprinting. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! cuz they went to school in america together until ebony dropped out in first grade at muggle school and her parents refused to teach her.

"DRACO!" I shouted sexily. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer because he was too busy planning on how to get in this weird girls pants but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it and fell 300 feet but somehow didn't die and got back up. I walked out of it too, curiously because i wanted to see if i would die or not.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily when i broke my legs .

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness although his eyes might have looked evil because of the red eye contacts and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore because he mended my legs with his wand.

And then… suddenly just as I went to take my pants off Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie (one eyed snake) into my you-know-what (chamber of secrets) and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed trying to fake it as best as I could. I was beginning to get an orgasm but then I remembered i was dating willow and imagining her face totally killed my mood. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore wait no it was Aberforth but Dumbledore was behind him.


End file.
